|
Glenn Stewart Coles, 9251 Yonge Street, Suite 8-924, Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada, L4C 9T3 |
|
One of the most evident contrasts in our lives is that of male/female. Based on stereotypes, men are more logical, aggressive, and visual, while women are more artistic, nurturing and verbal. When a woman is aggressive, she is said to be showing her ‘masculine’ characteristics. When a man is loving and caring, or (god forbid) he cries, he is said to be feminine.
Many men feel threatened when another man shows his feminine side. Often seen as weakness, men who are not hormonally dominated face derision and laughter. Women displaying their masculine side face the same prejudice. When we do not fit into the roles defined by society, we take risks.
Our gender identity develops from a young age. One of the first questions asked after a birth is ‘Boy or girl?’ From that moment on our impressions and treatment of the child are dependent on gender. A baby boy is treated differently than a baby girl. He is tossed into the air, while she is stroked lovingly. He gets toy trucks and tools and guns, she gets dolls and Easy Bake Ovens. Our roles in society are defined by our culture, our media, our family and friends.
The training continues as a child grows up. Girls are supposed to be nice and pretty and to act like a ‘little lady’. Boys are supposed to be strong and tough and to ‘act like a man’. Variance from the norm results in feedback to the child, who realizes that he/she has done something wrong. We adjust our behavior based on the approval factor.
As we reach our teenage years, the gender difference becomes even more prominent. Girls begin to grow breasts, and boys begin to stare at them. Females are judged by their appearance, and pretty ones get more attention. Attractive females get more attention than they want, and learn to avert their eyes so as not to encourage strangers. Unattractive females learn that people treat them differently, and devalue their self-worth.
Boys begin to mature, and learn the benefits of physical prowess. Those who are stronger and faster are also better liked. Boys who are weak or fat or slow are picked on. In male society, value is often determined by athletic ability. Even though intelligence, kindness and ability to communicate are critical aspects of character, it is the quarterback who gets all the dates.
Teenage boys learn that physical contact with females is an objective. Those who have tested the waters are held in higher regard than those who have not. ‘How far did you get?’ is a question often asked in the locker room. Teenage girls perceive that boys have only one thing on their mind, and learn to either protect their virtue or to use their attractiveness for gain.
By the time we reach adulthood, the concept of gender is permanently set into our ego. We identify ourselves as male or female. Actions and behaviors related to our gender are evident. We act and talk differently with the opposite sex than we do with our own. Our body, our mind, our beliefs and our actions are affected by the gender-identity that we have developed.
A few years ago, I was speaking with a friend about past lives. She revealed a memory of a life as a sailor who had drowned when the ship sank. Though the existence of past lives is debatable, and not the topic of this column, the discussion gave me a revelation. In the days when wooden ships crossed the oceans, all sailors were men. Her memory of a previous life was as a man. Then it struck me.
The soul has no gender.
Our soul, the essence of our existence, is that which carries on after our physical life concludes. Our life force, contained in our body, does not carry with it a gender identity. That which makes us human only begins to realize gender through social interaction and training. Deep down, we are all the same.
The next time that you find yourself classifying and judging someone by their sexual identity, understand that beyond the physical, we are all equal. Speak to the soul, and you will realize a new perception.
Transformation Exercises
1. List your dominant gender characteristics. 2. What aspects of the opposite gender are parts of your character? 3. Choose a male and female role model, and describe their gender characteristics. 4. How do you speak or act differently with men and women?
© Copyright 2000 Glenn Stewart Coles. All rights reserved.
|
|
Our roles in society are defined by our culture, the media, our family and friends. |
|
By the time we reach adulthood, the concept of gender is permanently set into our ego. |
|
After All, We’re All the Same |
