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Glenn Stewart Coles, 9251 Yonge Street, Suite 8-924, Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada, L4C 9T3 |
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How does one overcome hate? In Palestine, a man seething with anger rammed his truck into a bus stop, killing seven Israeli soldiers and one civilian. In Iraq, crowds scream in the streets, swearing to pay back the United States for the latest bombings. In America, thousands cry for the public execution of Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber.
Anger is an emotion that feeds itself, and hate is often the result. When we feel insulted or threatened by the actions of another, we tend to relive the moment over and over, causing our emotions to heat up. Actions termed as unforgivable result in lifelong pain, as we remind ourselves of transgressions against us.
People tend to be more concerned about transgressions if others are aware. In certain Muslim countries, ‘honor killing’ can occur if a female family member breaks her vow of chastity, even if the sexual activity was forced. If the transgression was secret, the female may be allowed to live in shame. If others know, ‘honor killing’ is the only way to save face and protect the name of the family.
Recently, a woman came to Toronto for reconstructive surgery. Her husband in Pakistan had cut off her nose and ears and blinded one eye after she allegedly glanced at another man. His rage was satisfied and honor protected only because of the actions that he took. Having defaced his wife, he could now look other men in the eye. Had he not taken action, his social status would have been negligible. To him, her insult was unforgivable.
It is easy to see how anger builds within our minds. When we experience situations that make us angry, these feelings have deep physical impact. When I recall a certain job, the feelings produced are distinct and strong. I remember in great detail how I felt mistreated, the lies that were told, the disrespect I was shown. I remember the faces, the discussions, and how badly I was wronged. When I think about the incident, I feel my body change, as my heart beats faster and my adrenaline rises.
I am surprised at the depth of my emotions. My perception of the event seems clear, and yet I know that I am remembering only one viewpoint. I am amazed at how much the memory affects me, and how I can create a feeling of anger simply by remembering. What amazes me more is that the incident occurred almost eight years ago, and yet the related feelings seem to have not diminished.
Compared to the experiences of others, the insult to my ego was minor, a mild disrespect that would seem irrelevant to the other parties involved. How does one overcome more serious transgressions that harmed family, reputation, or livelihood? How does one overcome hate related to theft, physical violence, or murder? How can one forgive the unforgivable?
The answer lies within ourselves. Feelings of anger affect us directly, impacting our mind, body, emotions and spirit. Our health, physical comfort and joy in life are all directly impacted by the emotions that we carry. Learning to forgive another has less to do with charity than with saving ourselves.
The first step in overcoming anger or hate is recognizing that the feelings we direct at others are really constraints we impose upon ourselves. No matter what was done to us, the emotions that rise when we remember are something that we create. Choosing to maintain a level of anger only hurts us more. The worst part about anger is the days, weeks, months, years, or even a lifetime that are affected. When you think about the person you are angry with, do you wish to grant them the power to change your life?
Forgiveness is not just about being nice, or about being too weak to respond. We must learn to understand the situations in our life by how they affect us, and choose to learn lessons from the feelings we experience. We create the power to overcome hate by refusing to allow ourselves to continue the cycle. Learning to love all that exists may seem like an impossible task, but if achieved, leads us towards our own personal heaven.
Transformation Exercises
1. What aspect of the world makes you really angry? 2. Is there a person you are angry with? Why? 3. Why might that person be angry at you? 4. What have you learned from the experience of being angry?
© Copyright 2001 Glenn Stewart Coles. All rights reserved.
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Anger is an emotion that feeds itself, and hate is often the result |
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When I think about the incident, I feel my body change. |
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The Power of Hate |
